It's a little late (OK, kinda really late) but since I was late making the blog to begin with I figure I can be forgiven. Though it is pretty typical of me to not get an idea until it's almost too late for when I would want to have it done by. Then again after working in retail for so long your concept of what is late gets skewed. Everything comes out three months in advance at least. So with that in mind, I'm downright last minute for Valentine's Day, and running behind for St. Patrick's Day. Easter is only saved if I skip those two all together.
Anyway. Resolutions. They're almost as much of a joke as they are a real set of goals, aren't they? Most of us make some sort of plans for the upcoming year. Things about ourselves, our situation, our environment we'd like to improve. Maybe some are important, others not so much. More of a "that might be nice to do" sort of thing. Probably just as many don't take those plans all that seriously, or we get distracted by the day to day minutiae and nothing really changes.
I'm unfortunately one of those. Every year I make mostly the same goals, and by that next New Year I'm sheepishly putting the same ones up because once again I didn't make it. Maybe I just lack commitment? Where can I download some of that?
Here's this years list. It's actually mostly original for once, but these are just the important ones. We'd bury ourselves if we tried to list everything that could use some improvement, right?
~*~
1. Lose Weight and Get Healthy
This is probably the most stereotypical resolution. Most often made, most often abandoned or not achieved. And yeah, I'm right there with ya. *Joins the club* I say this every year, too, and it's the one I hate having to act on the most. Carb counting, exercising, figuring out what part, if any, of those constantly changing fad diets might actually be useful to roll into my own. It just makes me want a cookie, damn it!
In recent years though it's taken on a lot more importance then just my vanity or even my self esteem. Several years ago I was diagnosed type two diabetic, which means while my blood sugar is out of whack and screwing things up it can still be controlled with diet and exercise instead of with insulin, because it's pretty much the fat that's the problem. I'm stubborn and don't want to go on insulin any sooner then I have to. The more weight I lose, the less of a problem I have. Provided of course I haven't worked my pancreas to death trying to keep up by then.
The best diet I've found for me is actually a mash up of common sense, some basic tips from my nutritionist when I was first diagnosed, the South Beach Diet, and TMU's trick of not eating after three pm. I don't follow the ideas of depriving myself completely of anything even slightly unhealthy, all that does is make me want to binge even more. I eat what I want, but in moderation, and keeping my blood sugar in mind. It's a whole lot easier being a good girl if I know I'll get rewarded for it at the end of the week when I allow myself a particularly yummy dinner, a meal out, or whatever it is I decide is the reward that time. Combined with exercise, when I stick to it it works really well.
Which is usually the problem. Sticking to it. The best laid plans and all that.
My most common monkey wrenches:
It takes so much TIME.
Not even effort (except for the whole saying no part) just time. There are so many things I'd rather be doing then tracking the carbs/calories/fats of everything eat, it's a pain in the ass. We make as much as we can from scratch, which means no handy little pre-made nutrition list to copy. I have to look up and work up my own. It also means that either I do all the cooking, which eats up even more of my time, or I have to hang over TMU's shoulder and write down everything she does. Cause half the time she doesn't work from a written recipe. Speaking of, is there something wrong with me that I can't do that? Maybe I need to try some of those brain training games...
I need to just get over it. Once I figure out what each thing is the once it won't be such a big deal after that, as long as I always do it the same way/the same size.
I LOVE FOOD!
Willpower? I'm supposed to say no when it's sitting there on the stove looking so nommable?? I'm not supposed to have seconds??? ::'( Seriously though. We don't do 'diet food' per se. We cook healthy as a general rule, but it's not fair to make everyone follow the same rules that I try to. Getting healthy sucks, no reason everyone has to suffer if they don't have to. ::P But that also means that we make a lot of things I love, everything from entrees to dessert, which practically stand up and shake their booties at me when I should be saying no.
My concept of a portion size is kinda screwed up.
Don't ask me how it got that way, I have no idea. TMU vehemently assures I didn't get it from her, thank you very much. It definitely works against me. 'Everything in moderation' only really works if you, you know, actually moderate. Having some of that awesome looking stroganoff is fine, but when you're prone to going for seconds and start off with a plate full to begin with...you see where I'm going with this.
I need to get better at sticking to normal portion sizes. I can always go back for more if I'm still hungry, but I have to get better at actually paying attention to just how full I am physically instead of mentally.
Healthy food can often be boring or outright unappetizing.
I like variety anyway, but especially when you're getting healthy the common diet tropes really could use a dose of imagination. Veggies, veggies, fruit, veggies, careful of the veggies too (they're not all diabetic friendly), bran, whole wheat, grains, blah, blah, blah. Thankfully, the interwebs is there to help with that. Meaning Pinterest, of course. SO many great ideas. Just as many unhealthy great ideas, but that's beside the point. It helps a lot with keeping things interesting, and if the food is interesting I'm much more interested in maintaining the plan. Plus it's just fun trying to make healthier, at home versions of my favorite junk or fast food, too.
Which isn't to say that necessarily solves the unappetizing part. There are some things that just aren't going to ever be something I want to eat. Like buckwheat.
Have you ever had buckwheat pancakes? Sounds disgusting and healthy, don't they? They are, both. ::P TMU likes them though, and wanted to clear out the last of the old buckwheat flour we had, so I made them. The batter looks like polyjoice potion. Lumpy, until I beat the crap out of it, sludgy grey. I really should have taken pictures. Thankfully no human hair was involved, though you never know about stray pet hair floating about. So far I haven't sprouted ears or a tail. At least they didn't taste quite as bad as polyjuice potion.
Now that I think of it I should probably add them to the Halloween menu, they'd fit right in.
Exercise is another challenge at the moment. Our resources are pretty limited, and the area we live in isn't the safest or particularly suited to outdoor activities like hiking, so I need to get more creative. In a word meaning, going back to basics as well as trying other things I haven't bothered with before. Like old school basic exercises like push ups and sit ups when I used to depend mostly on machines or weights. I'm thinking of yoga too, you don't need much equipment to do that. And of course there's always the necessary things that can provide exercise like gardening and biking into town for groceries.
A. The Goal
I don't really have a specific target to shoot for. No need to be able to fit into a bathing suit by summer, impress anyone, or fit into a significant item of clothing. But if I don't have something to shoot for not only will it feel like I'm not accomplishing what I set out for, it'll feel like I never will.
So my official weight loss goal will be to drop down to an XL. Right now I'm still in the XXXL range, even though I have lost some weight recently. I don't know how much farther then that I'll want to go, I don't necessarily hold with the perfect weights doctors say you should be. Your perfect weight is the one you're healthiest and feel the best at, and that isn't always the same as the predetermined weight for your height.
But a lot of stores that don't cater to plus size women still carry items up to XL, which will open up my fashion possibilities a whole lot more then they are now. That's a goal worth shooting for.
~*~
2. Read and Watch Stuff I Haven't Yet
Over time there's been a number of occasions where I've shocked even TMU (who should probably know better, she is my mom) with books that I haven't read or movies I haven't seen. Maybe the schools I went to just sucked in that way but there are a lot of classics and well known ones I've heard of but never seen/read myself. Dickens, War and Peace, most of the old classics like Jane Austen you usually get forced to read in school. I've decided to fix that.
TMU thinks I should start with 1984. I'll probably start with the Lord of the Rings series, starting from the beginning. ::P Partly because they seem much more interesting, but mostly because I already have them. I've read the main trilogy, and own the others as well as a lot of the surrounding books (damn, do I miss my favorite used bookstore) I just haven't gotten around to reading them yet
Movies are easier to tackle thanks to Netflix. Old classics, originals of remakes I've seen, etc. Even ones like Star Wars, which I've never been interested in but has so many pop culture references I probably should just watch it and get it over with. Maybe I'll start with the original monster movies, you don't get much more classic then that. I've only seen a couple of them. OK, my tastes definitely lean in certain directions. ::P I'll get around to ones like Casablanca.
I don't imagine that I'll actually like all of it, but I'm thinking of it as self education - even if I don't enjoy it, I'll at least know what people are talking about when they mention it. I'm sure I'll be surprised sometimes too. I didn't think I'd like Pride and Prejudice - turned out I was mistaken about what the plot actually was - but when I finally read it (it was free on the Nook) it was just the sort of romance I like.
B. The Goal
I kinda think this one is a little too vague to really have a set number to get through. I have no idea how easy it will be to get my hands on the ones I want. So this one I'll leave open. I'll have a stroll through Google, see what other people have on lists of what I shouldn't be missing. At least I've got a lot of the classic musicals already covered. ::)
~*~
3. Take Online College Courses
It's true, I've never been to college. It just wound up not being a priority before. I didn't know what I wanted to pursue and figured until I did I'd just start working. If I were to go to college tomorrow I still don't know what I'd major in, or if it would be different from what I do now. But I figure it's time to explore a bit and see what turns up.
Outside of a regular job crafting has been my main focus. TMU and I have a shared fantasy of some day starting up a themed bed and breakfast, selling our crafts, maybe even incorporating some homesteading elements since we've gotten into that more and more. I definitely would like to try it, even though I've always kinda hated other people living in my house thanks to The Older Sibling (TOS). It would all depend on the house, wouldn't it? ::P
Of course I'd love to make my crafting into an actual thing. TMU and I are actually working on that with our Etsy shop. It's still small, but you have to start somewhere, and we're learning a lot.
When I was a kid I wanted to be a writer, thanks to an assembly in...what was it, first grade? I don't even remember who it was that came to speak. I've always been interested in psychology, though more the abnormal side of it then anything like being a shrink. I like creative things. In my last job I discovered I very much enjoyed and was actually quite good at merchandising. I'm quite interested in history (particularly the Victorian and Medieval periods). At some point I may even try other art forms.
C. The Goal
My starting point will be these free online courses from MIT. That sounds so daunting. TMU found them somewhere and passed them on to me, and surprisingly there's more then just technical and science stuff. History, writing, even photography. They're basically the real course you'd take in school, you can just do them on your own for no credit.
The goal will be to finish one course. Well, pick one first, then finish it. Most courses aren't meant to last a whole year on their own I don't think, so maybe I'll be able to do more, but I don't want to bite off more then I can chew.
~*~
4. Self Discipline
This is really the biggest thing about myself and my life that I need to work on.
It's a pretty simple concept, right? One we all have to master to succeed in work and school. Something needs to be done, you do it. When I'm working for someone else I have no issues with it. I could be running around like a chicken without a head convinced I won't get it all done in time, but I usually manage to without pulling out too much hair.
At home or working for myself...well that's a different story. I sorta suck at just doing things. I'm a huge procrastinator. Even when it's something I choose to plan to do, that I want to do. I just don't get at it in a timely manner. I tend to work slow, waffle over decisions for too long a time (like I couldn't just start over if it didn't turn out right), or get so bogged down in planning everything out perfectly that I never even get to the action part. It's a repeated comment from TMU.
I find myself saying "I'll do better tomorrow" or "I'll start again on Monday." The infamous, magical Monday where things will just effortlessly happen the way you want them to. If I'm being particularly pessimistic, it fits the definition of insanity. If I'm being particularly optimistic, I haven't failed until I stop trying. It's a lot like the new year itself isn't it? You start off full of good intentions and grand plans, and the next thing you know you've tripped over the same bad habits as before and nothing has changed.
I've always been bad at just shoving through with things even when my plan didn't actually work the way it was supposed to. I make lists, schedules, plan all this stuff to do. I feel good about it. Then I run behind or I don't get as much done as I wanted to and it just feels like I didn't get anything done. My attitude doesn't help I'm sure, I drop into a funk. I look at what I didn't do instead of what I did. To be honest that Perky Polly stuff always seems so obnoxious and condescending. It's not like looking at the bright side changes what actually got done.
You'd think it would be easy to just start doing things differently. I want to do things better, so why not just do it? As I was writing this out I thought maybe it's like trying to snap your fingers. It's so easy, but if you're having trouble with it you have no clue how to make it work. Until you just do.
D. The Goal
I have no real idea of what actual steps you can take for this sort of thing. Aside from just mentally yelling at myself whenever I'm lagging. ::P
- Spend less time on the computer. I don't waste the whole day on the computer, but I do probably spend more time on it then I should when I have a list to work on. It can be so distracting, even just hopping on while taking a break.
- Stop scheduling so hard. Who cares how long it takes me to do something as long as it gets done and done well? Maybe trying to get x amount done in x time is part of the problem.
- Re-think what I plan to do. Just getting up earlier and earlier to try and make time for everything doesn't really work. Hell, getting up is part of the problem sometimes. Accept and work around that it takes longer then I think it should to work something out, especially creative stuff. Maybe I have unreasonable expectations of myself. I feel like anyone else would get it done in a fraction of the time, that I really am too slothful or doing things in such a wrong way that it slows me down. Maybe I shouldn't try to live up to what I think some vague person in my head would be capable of. Maybe I just need to kick myself in the ass harder.
I suppose it's like any habit. It takes time to build, and I just haven't yet. One day I will, and I'll be able to snap my fingers, and I'll just do it.
~*~
So, there we are. My goals for the year. Lets hope this time I make progress. After all, now I've got witnesses.
Here endeth the (really, really long) post.
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